Fearfully Too Humble?

     Humility is definitely considered as a virtue in many religious views as it is often associated of not being egoistic of one’s praiseworthy achievements. Not to mention, people love those who humble themselves because humility is part of the  quality standard of one’s character.But is it because of our realization of particular egoists’ accomplishment in life that sparks the very thought of our unknown capacity of potential,knowing that we never do much in life or just unlucky? Or is it merely due to the fact that it’s just a matter of time that all people succeed and will succeed in their own passionate area of mastery makes us to disdain self-bragging that is injected with egoism?

   I don’t have the faintest idea about the answers  but if that’s how most of us see humility so how about someone being too humble. Is it still perceived as a virtuous trait or a behaviour that one’s doomed to fall apart?  To answer the question we need to know what it is to be humble. Being humble is to recognise our boundary and limitation of perfection that we are forever bound to be weak,fragile,broken but also to be in dominance,control or a part of resolution. We,humans are imperfectly perfect- to be the perfect version of our own is to be imperfect. But what if the imperfection we have is degraded to the point of self-destruction? That can no longer be linked to humility but self-critical approach of beating oneself for being less than the others or should I say inferiority complex. The sense of worthlessness, incompetence, inadequacy or not being good enough for ourself  is achieved by the comparison we make to others, which I think it’s unfair as people are created to be unequal in some conditions or situations. You may live in the same  neighbourhood, having the same name, age , believing the same creed but it is destined that the road of life you’re ambling now is different.

   Inferiority complex turns to the surface after a long period of demeaning criticism upon someone, owing to being different in terms of complexion of the pigment, gender, social status,sexuality,disability or even religion. Being chastised for a long period of time can make someone to believe in of what he/she is inveighed for,whereupon that person has the high possibility to suffer from this personality disorder.The moment when you can’t look at the reflection of yourself in the mirror, the moment when you feel less intelligent or physically adequate than your peers, the moment you start comparing yourself to the others, the moment you begin to cage yourself in the room because of the irrational fears and insecurities you have for yourself, is the very moment you are INFERIOR.

   Long ago, I used to be a part of the inferior pack. Going through an arduous childhood, I was told that I was unloved, differentiated for being somewhat different from the eyes of calculating,observing nincompoops but rather on the contrary,I was being unique from my own world side of view. For a little,innocent child, it was painfully excruciating to know that I felt unwanted and ostracised: the same thing went to not resist to retaliate. Rebellious, ill-mannered, bad-mouthing,oversensitive, I fit all the traits of a bad child.It killed my confidence as well as my connections. I became detached as a young teenager and extremely anxious in social activities. In academics, I fell miserably and I never liked being in a classroom,crammed with students who might come off as a bunch of fools.

   I started to patch myself up as I learnt about self-compassion. I began to give myself the love, the attention, the gentleness I would give to someone I care for most.I treated myself with respect,dignity and love. And when negativity hits me, I change it to positivity in a loving manner possible. I would read inspirational quotes or sayings about life and self-improvement to brush off all the stains, negative thoughts had left. Over time, I began to get over depression and social anxiety disorder without any kind of medications along the way to recovery.

   I cannot say being in mental anguish or to be mentally challenged for once is fun- it’s like breathing in a hell.But it does flash down on me that regardless of how ridiculously hopeless situation I am in, hope is forever there- it exists,lives and breathes in every moment I live.Because of it, I become a very empathetic listener and is compassionate of others’ sufferings and adversities, especially those with mental illnesses which many still have the stigma towards these people.What is more, I’m a humble person, not fearfully one. I’m never being too proud of my achievement or too lamented of my failures in life. I treat both with balance and modesty as both need balance: failure teaches you to be humble,to redirection, to self-awareness while success teaches you hard joy at the end ,how confidence can turn you on.

   I know that I have become such a resilient lad to face many days with anxiety and fears that made me numb, rooted to the spot, tackling my biggest fears head on each day of my life in the phase that I was still adapting to many changes. If it weren’t for it, I would become an annoying, big-headed lad that was insensitive of others, outspoken without considering the hearts of others, being on someone else case just for the sake of feeling good about myself.

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As heavenly delicious as the Humble Pie, humble people are too.

 

 No one can make you inferior without your consent.

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